i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
