Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
