this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
