Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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