So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
