Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
