you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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