In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
