I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
