last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
