Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
