she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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