TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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