Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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