His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
