I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
