saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
