i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
