Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
