one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
