I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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