I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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