i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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