i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
