I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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