Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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