We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You took a bar mat shot.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
