remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
