Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
