at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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