Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
