bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm bleeding and have questions
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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