y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
