Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
