Farmville is her only friend.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I understand Curling. That high.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
