woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
