I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
