Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
