Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
