it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
