I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
