I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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