you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well you can't waste a boner
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
