you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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