Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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