I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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