Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
