I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
