okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
