It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
