i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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