Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
