watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
