I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
