If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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